For the person who cheats, the truth is definitely hard to speak. Lies just seem to roll off the tongue. There have been many people with sexual addiction who sit down in the office and immediately state “I am a liar, and I have ALWAYS lied!”.
What is a Lie?
What is the definition of a lie? A lie can be defined as:
“a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.”
From https://www.dictionary.com/browse/lie
When working with sex addiction, there are a few reasons someone would choose to lie.
- They might lie to continue their sexual activity. Denying this behavior can lead to a delay in changing their behavior.
- A sex addict might lie to avoid the hurt that their addiction might cause to a loved one. When an intimate partner uncovers the sexual addiction, it can trigger post-traumatic stress, or betrayal trauma.
- Another reason can stem from the abuse that a person has suffered during their own childhood. For example, a harsh parent that has extreme expectations can become aggressive physically and emotionally. In order to avoid the abuse, hiding the truth may serve to protect the child.
These are just a few of the conditions that might surround a sex addicts lie.
Let’s look at 20 common statements as examples of lying.
Lies That Are Made
Now that you know what a lie is, let’s look at some lies you might hear yourself or another person say.
- That must have been a wrong number.
- I am not talking to her, and I asked her to stop contacting me. She’s the one who keeps texting.
- He is my best friend- that’s why we spend so much time together.
- I need a massage every week because I work so hard (but it is more for sex).
- I had to work overtime.
- I keep credit cards my partner doesn’t need to know about.
- I am going out of town for a work project
- I am hanging out with my friends.
- I didn’t give you an STD- have you been cheating?
- I will change. I promise.
- He/she came on to me
- I am not interested in sex.
- I am not feeling well.
- I didn’t get enough sleep.
- On the computer browser- “I think it is from the time that you caught me- I haven’t done anything since then”
- It’s your fault.
- I have been a liar my entire life, and I can’t stop it.
To your kids:
- I don’t have time
- I yell at the kids because they have behavior problems (when the real issue is that you are preoccupied with your addiction and have no patience).
To your job:
- I am producing less work because projects are more complicated (while you search for porn or you make frequent calls to women or men).
These examples are contributors to the stress and complications of a life with sex addiction. Your brain has become engaged in a game of smoke and mirrors. It becomes overwhelming.
You feel crushed by the life you have created.
As a therapist, I start with searching for a way to insert a change- a thought that ties the person to where they want their life to go. I listen for the language. While the negative messages that a sex addict has about themselves may be true in the present, it’s important to start thinking about the future.
If you would like to make a change, start by looking for a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) near you. The work is worth the effort, so find someone who has the experience and knowledge to support you in change.
Let me know if you are ready to start counseling. Check out my website at www.cherylcamarillo.com (where you can fill out a request for an appointment). Or call Cheryl at 210-262-5056.
