Infidelity and sex addiction can shake the very foundation of a relationship, leaving partners feeling overwhelmed, betrayed, and uncertain about the future. When you first uncover the truth, it may feel as though your world has collapsed. The pain is real, and the emotional toll can be crushing. However, despite the initial devastation, it is possible to rebuild strength, regain stability, and find a path forward—whether that means healing within the relationship or stepping into a new chapter of your life.
In this article, we will explore six key areas that can help you process the pain of betrayal trauma and take the necessary steps toward healing.
How Do You Get Over an Affair? Understanding the Trauma Response
Betrayal trauma isn’t just emotional—it has a deep physiological impact on the body and brain. When you discover infidelity, your nervous system reacts as if you’ve experienced a life-threatening event, triggering the fight-or-flight response and flooding your body with stress hormones. This intense reaction is your body’s way of trying to protect you from further harm, even though the threat is emotional rather than physical. If you’re trying to understand how to get past infidelity in a marriage, it’s important to recognize that your emotional turmoil is a normal reaction to a deep violation of trust.
“When a discovery happens, it’s a trauma to the nervous system. It’s just like triggering off that fight-or-flight response. If you were in a car accident, your body takes a snapshot of the moment and stores it somewhere. Anytime you experience a similar situation, the trauma can be retriggered if it hasn’t been released.”
Just like someone who develops PTSD after a car crash, betrayal trauma creates lasting emotional imprints. This can lead to:
- Hypervigilance – constantly scanning for signs of dishonesty
- Obsessive thoughts – replaying the betrayal over and over
- Emotional instability – feeling calm one moment, then suddenly overwhelmed
- Panic and anxiety – experiencing heart palpitations or difficulty breathing
If you’re struggling with these symptoms, you may be wondering how to get past an affair without feeling stuck in a cycle of emotional pain. Recognizing that your reaction is a natural response to trauma is not a sign of weakness and can help you take the next steps toward healing.
Regaining Stability: Simple Self-Care Strategies to Reduce Stress
After betrayal, it’s easy to feel out of control, but there are proven ways to regulate your emotions and rebuild inner strength. If you’re working on how to get past infidelity in a marriage, one of the first steps is reconnecting with yourself through self-care. Prioritizing your well-being can also provide clarity as you navigate the difficult question of how do you get over an affair and begin the healing process.
“There are natural things you can do that don’t require much except consistent practice. One of them is deep breathing exercises. Another is meditation. The third is overall self-care—sleeping, eating, and exercising.”
Here’s how these practices can help you regain stability:
- Deep Breathing – Slows down the body’s stress response and brings a sense of calm
- Meditation – Helps refocus your mind away from intrusive thoughts
- Quality Sleep – Reduces inflammation and allows the brain to process emotions
- Nutritious Eating – Supports the immune system and stabilizes mood
- Regular Exercise – Increases oxygenation, boosts mood, and combats depression
Incorporating these habits into your daily routine creates a foundation of emotional strength, allowing you to cope better with difficult emotions and triggers. While self-care won’t erase the pain overnight, it will empower you to regain control over your well-being and build the inner stability needed for healing.
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Finding Safe Support: Surrounding Yourself with the Right People
One of the most difficult aspects of overcoming cheating is knowing who to turn to for support. Not everyone will understand or respond in a helpful way, and some may even make the process harder. You may also struggle with how do you get over an affair when those around you offer conflicting advice or pressure you to make immediate decisions.
“Finding people who can listen without judgment is important. It’s really hard to share these things, and even harder to find the right people.”
Some people may say things like:
- “You need to leave him immediately!”
- “You should stay and work it out.”
- “Marriage is forever—you have to stick by your partner.”
Unfortunately, well-meaning friends or family may unintentionally add to your confusion and stress. Instead, it’s essential to find someone who will:
✅ Listen without pushing their own opinion
✅ Support you without judgment
✅ Respect your healing process, no matter what path you choose
If you’re wondering how to get past infidelity in a marriage, surrounding yourself with the right support system can make all the difference. If a trusted friend or family member isn’t available, consider professional help or support groups for guidance.
Professional Help: Choosing the Right Therapist for Betrayal Trauma
A knowledgeable therapist can be an invaluable resource in your healing journey. However, not all therapists are trained to handle betrayal trauma effectively, so finding the right professional is crucial to your recovery. The right therapist will not only validate your emotions but also equip you with practical tools to rebuild your sense of security and self-worth. If you’re wondering how to get past infidelity in a marriage, therapy can provide the guidance needed to process emotions, establish boundaries, and regain confidence in your choices.
Seeking out support services is another step. You can find:
- Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs)
- APSAT Coaches and Therapists (A P S A T – they specialize in partner betrayal)
- Certified Sex Therapists
- Licensed Marriage and Family Counselors”*
If you’re considering therapy, ask potential counselors:
- Do you have experience working with betrayal trauma?
- Have you received specialized training in sex addiction and partner betrayal?
- What is your approach to helping individuals heal from infidelity?
A good therapist will provide a safe, non-judgmental space to process emotions, set boundaries, and make informed decisions about your future. If you’re struggling with how do you get over an affair, a therapist can also help you navigate emotional triggers, develop coping strategies, and rebuild trust—whether that trust is within your current relationship or in future connections. Choosing a therapist who understands the unique complexities of betrayal trauma ensures that your healing process is approached with compassion and expertise.
Exploring Support Groups: Connecting with Others Who Understand
Beyond therapy, support groups can be incredibly healing. If you’ve been struggling and asking yourself how do you get over an affair, connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can provide much-needed comfort and validation. Support groups offer a safe, non-judgmental environment where you can share your emotions, listen to others’ stories, and gain insights that help you move forward. If you’re trying to understand how to get past infidelity in a marriage, hearing from others who have navigated similar challenges can be a powerful part of the healing process.
In addition to therapy, you might want to consider support groups. Some options include:
- S-Anon – A support group for partners of sex addicts.
- Celebrate Recovery – A Christian-based program with groups for partners and those struggling with addiction.
- Online groups – Many options are available online.
Dr. Rob Weiss has groups on his website, Seeking Integrity, where he offers free webinars and Q&A sessions for couples.
For women, ADDO Recovery (A D D O) is an excellent resource. Dr. Kevin Skinner, my mentor, is the founder of that group, and he has written many books on infidelity and betrayal trauma.”*
Support groups provide:
✅ A community of understanding individuals
✅ Confidential spaces to share struggles and progress
✅ Practical tools to navigate emotions and decision-making
By engaging with a support group, you gain collective wisdom and encouragement from people who truly understand your experience.
Conclusion: Taking the Next Step Toward Healing
If you’re struggling with dealing with infidelity, remember that you are not alone. Healing is a process, and each step you take brings you closer to emotional stability. Learning how to get past infidelity in a marriage takes time, but with the right support, self-care, and professional guidance, you can move forward in a way that feels right for you.
To summarize, the three key areas to focus on are:
- Reducing the fight-or-flight response with self-care (sleep, nutrition, and exercise).
- Building a support system with safe, non-judgmental people.
- Seeking professional and group support through therapy, coaching, and recovery groups.
Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or move forward on your own, know that there is hope. Healing is possible, and you have the power to reclaim your life.
You are stronger than the betrayal, and your journey toward healing starts now.
If you want additional guidance, consider joining Cheryl Camarillo’s Q&A sessions every Sunday at 2 PM CST.
